I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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