winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
