I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
