I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
