oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
