nut hugger
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
