I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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