You can't special order awesome
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
