Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
