i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
