It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
