I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
