is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize