I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
