I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
