You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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