Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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