Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize