he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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