I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So apparently I’m into choking now
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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