I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
