I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
