i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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