Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
