i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
