Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
