Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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