I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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