It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize