Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
