2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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