I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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