plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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