My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
