He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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