No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
