dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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