i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize