I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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