Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
