apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
accomplished twins. life is a go
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
