I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
