All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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