Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
