Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i wish my penis had a tongue
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
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