once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize