Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
