Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
