I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
