i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
