If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize