Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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