In the future we'll all be gay
this boner is exhausting
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
