I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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