I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
