So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
