no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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