How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
