Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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