if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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