Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
