I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
