I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
