It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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