I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
