Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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