make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
