I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
