The best revenge is premature balding
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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