No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
