he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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