Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
