I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My pussy is not your playground.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
