I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
