its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize