shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
