i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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