I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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