garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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