You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
