smell my finger.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize