i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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