you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
