I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
