I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
