so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
