broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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