So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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