i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
