you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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