she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
