you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
