call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize