The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
